Behind People's Shadows

I had always liked to be around people. Talking to them, knowing them, or just having fun.

But the thing is I always do not know what to say to them.

Invariably the conversation will switch to a topic I have no idea about.

Like DoTA. Or football. Or engineering course. Or gossip about some friend.

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

Often you can see me in groups deep in conversation, but most of the time, I am quiet, like a shadow without a mouth.

I like to think that I am a wallflower: a quiet friend who understand. And then I realised: I'm not happy being a wallflower. I want to be in the action, be a part instead of apart.

There is no worse loneliness than being alone in a crowd.

Deep shiz.

I mean, I do talk to people. I do. I just don't feel as if I belong sometimes.

The people I can connect to are those who are random, like how I hope to be. Life needs order, but that order should rise from chaos. Because it looks damn cool in a history book.

And then I heard this sentence in church the other day.

(In case you're wondering, I'm not Christian. I think.)

COMMUNITY DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN CONFORMITY. GOD (whoever He may be)

MADE US ALL TO BE UNIQUE, SO WHY SHOULD WE MAKE OURSELVES UNIFORM?

Deep shiz No. 2.

Aye. Maybe I've been trying too hard to be a part of the group that I'm changing myself, and failing at that too. 

I'm me, and that's what they should know.

I heard this sentence a long time ago, and it hit me real hard:

IF YOU STAND FOR NOTHING, 

YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING

Deep shiz No 3.

And maybe that's the problem. I don't believe, hence I am not, and I change.

The only thing predictable is that I am random.

What the hell.

Okay, I'm not gonna share this like the other posts. I sound quite attention needing here.

I MEAN LOOK AT THE NUMBER OF "I"S IN HERE!

But if you do see it, I'm sorry. I just need to shout.

Cya in counseling.

Behind A Fallen Star, And A Fallen Pillar

Remember a time when our standards were lower. When all we needed for entertainment were fast cars, furious gunners and frikking explosions. We may think we have left that time, but there is always something about the fast, the furious and the expletives that always bring us back for more.

Imagine, now, that an idol in this field; a simple actor, has perished in the exact way he lived on screen. Is this irony? Or is there a guy upstairs with a weird sense of humour, and finds this the proper ending, or distraction from world problems, like how much people hate their government, no matter who it may be.

Pictures of his passing fill the Internet, followed by pictures of people ridiculing people who mourn his passing. In a way, they are all and both wrong and right. He was just a lucky man who had met with an unfortunate death. But how much respect does he deserve?


Meanwhile, halfway across the globe...


Recall a time when the skin colour determines the social class. When all we needed to know was who worked for whom and where each persons' places are. We may think we have left that time, but there is always someone who is either selfish, backward, or just plain stupid enough who might wanna bring that time back.

I wanted, before, to be an impact; a simple person, to perish for how others wished to live. Is this selflessness? Or is there a guy upstairs with a weird faith in humanity, and makes it a divine guidance, or a hope for the world's people, to know that every person is equal, no matter who they may be.

People across the world fill the social media with their condolences, followed by the people in South Africa remembering how much their lives were changed by him. In a way, they are all affected by his action. He was just an unlucky man who had met with an extremely fortunate fate. But how much respect does he deserve?

Requiescat in pace,

 Paul Walker.

Requiescat in pace, 
Nelson Mandela.

Cya world.

Behind The Meaning of Crushes

Love in Greek mythology is EROS.

Which when rearranged gives us ROSE.
So love means expensive flowers?

Which when rearranged gives us ORES.
So love means expensive rocks?

Which when rearranged gives us ROES.
So love means expensive food?

Which when rearranged gives us SORE.
So love means cheap pain?

What is love?

Cya with the answer.

Behind Post-Lunch Waiting

A poem, because I have nothing to do.

A new place, 
A new group,
A new bunch of notes to be lugged;

Doth Thou
Spake English?

Same old face,
Same old soup,
Same old desire to be hugged.

Through the doors,
it was once a boundary between hot and cold;
Though it's so,
Now the roles are reversed,
Like those of a son and his old.

Through the glass,
it was once a flurry of leaves glistening in the sun;
Though it's so,
Now the colour's a-changing,
And soon they will be gone.

Through the days,
it was once the joy and fear of a kid;
Though it's so,
Now I must grow up,
Must the spirit be hid?

A new path,
A new post,
A new variation of the flu;
Same old laugh,
Same old ghosts,
Same old hope of something new.

Behind Brain Rot

So it's been nearly 3 months since the end of my college days.

I can feel my mind slipping away.

My judgement's all cloudy and stuff.

But uni will begin soon.

I wonder if I still have enough juice left?

C. Y. A.

Clap for Your Awesomeness. Let it rub off over me.

Behind The Chase and The Ensuing Wait

This was going to be a rant about how inefficient certain governmental bodies are.

You know how they always take their time with the stuff you process through them, including - no, ESPECIALLY when you need the process cleared right away. And it probably would never get done, unless you chase them every single hour of every single day. It's like an a- a donkey who would only move when prodded with a really sharp stick, and then not always in the right direction.

But then I realised that people do that all the time, and this post will end up to be another run of the mill ones.

So I thought of this article I saw on 9gag awhile back: >>>>>>>


A tad morbid, I know. But you have no idea how I feel when I deal with these govt people. Makes me wanna do this to them.

Who invented bureaucracy, anyway?

On a more serious note, I'm pretty sure the chase is a metaphor for something else. It usually is. Usually when someone says chase, he won't mean harry or persuade someone to put some effort into it. A chase is commonly associated with a goal, a prize, or more commonly, a random stranger who just happened to pull your handbag off your shoulder.

Chases are good things. If you reach your goal, you can give yourself a pat on the back, and tell yourself and everyone around you that all that effort was worth it; if you don't, well, at the very least you tried to grab the guy with your bag instead of trying to tweet the incident on your now non-existent phone.

But that's not the most important part. What is more important is what you do after you reach your goal.

Hooray for you! The chase is now over!    

Now what?

Do you end your journey?

Do you live the rest of your life in the comfort of your spoils?

Do you loiter about, telling yourself, your children and your grandchildren that you have once done something great?

Or do you set your sights on something greater, and start the chase anew?

There would always be something out there you don't know, don't have or didn't try. I made it my goal to catch'em all. It's a long journey, but as any runner nay tell you, it's much better than standing still.

Anyway, it's getting late. My dad's chasing me to bed. D: Cya.

Gratz for getting to the end. ^^

Behind Being Free & Busy at The Same Time

You may think that what with A-Levels being over and stuff, I would have a lot of Laze time with the laptop and a book, with possibly a nice cup of smoothie. I seem to be into smooothies nowadays.

And I have been. Swhat I'm doing now, and The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender is sitting right next to the laptop, tempting me to make myself sad again. As for the smoothies, well there's milk, banana and avocado in the fridge. I take my time.

But then again, I've been out a lot recently. The JPA/BTN camp, the class trip to Redang, and the family trips to Sg Lembing and Chiang Mai (that's in Thailand). And I really enjoyed it. Experience and beauty. I love them all for that. To make me busy in my free time so that I don't go insane. But...

Thing is, I wanna do nothing. Like, really nothing. I wanna keep track of my thoughts and see where they lead me. I want to think of myself and what I actually do and how I really affect people and how people affect me. Most of all, I don't want my path to be set by other people for me. So that I could change for the better.

This is a very insightful journey, but a perilous

one too.

Sometimes I think I'm Charlie from Perks of Being A Wallflower.

And then I slap myself and say that that's a worst case scenario. I should be grateful, and I am.

But now, after A-Levels results are out, (got what I expected, thanks for asking), I'm getting kinda scared. I mean, in another month or so, I'll be flying off to live alone in the UK. Well, not really alone. I'm sure there're great people there. But I don't wanna grow up.

The reason why I'm so down while writing this post is because of visa applications. So many forms... So many documents.... I have lots to do, yet I can't do anything while I wait for responses to my queries.

Email sucks.

Hence the second meaning to the blog post title.

Short post today. Can't really focus with the visa forms sitting on the other side of the laptop, facing lemons.

Cya soon.