Behind Broken Bugs

I think I broke the game.

And that I could have done something better with my life.

I could have continued, but it's one in the morning. Time to sleep.

What the hell am I doing?

Cya in the year of the horse!

Behind 2014: A Wish

So it's been a week or so into the new year, and it's been going quite good.

New books, new lecturers, new resolutions.... Although we all know what actually happens to resolutions, don't we? ;)

I decided not to have a New Year's Resolution for 2014 for precisely that reason. Instead, I am going to have a Blog-ly Resolution. Using my blog posts as deadlines for certain goals I should achieve, then I would be less likely to fail.

Set smaller goals, and achieve them easy, nae problemo.

But, will I get around to actually setting goals by the time I write my next blog post? Or would I be put off blogging completely so that I would not have to see those goals ever again?

Ah well.

GOAL #1: VISIT THE GYM THREE TIMES.
GOAL #2: MAKE A NEW GUY FRIEND.
GOAL #3: HAVE AT LEAST ONE PHONE-FREE LECTURE.

3 goals are two too many. But it's the ambition that counts :)

Met my friend for lunch the other day. Let's call her.... May.

Currently studying in Uni of Penn. (IVY LEAGUE!) Standard overachiever.

First met her at the JPA camp. Seems pretty nice.

Also part time Dragon Slayer.

But the thing about overachievers like her is that often she becomes a butt of jokes, of sorts. Just because one has different pursuits and timetables compared to the average student and knows that one is more ambitious and smarter than most, one is labeled arrogant and lifeless.

Is this the norm of society, to make sure that everyone fits in to a standard mold? Or is this just jealousy, to make someone else feel bad for something you can't do?

I guess it's human nature to make others the same as yourself.

I realise that I am very prone to this phenomena though. As if I change or dumb myself to fit in, because I fear they will not accept the real me.

Perhaps I was too scared. Perhaps I was too timid.

Not this year. No words but my own.

May endured the words, or maybe she blanked it out. Either way, she got into Penn, and that's due to her hard work, even though she might say it was grace.

If words can't affect her, I see no reason it should affect me.

This is not a resolution. This is a wish, one I will make true.

Cya, winter.

Behind 2013: A Reflection

I know I'm supposed to be studying, what with exams less than a week an all. But it's the last day of a momentous year, and I feel that I should write down what I feel about the year before it slips away forever.

So yeah. A lot has happened this year, globally and personally. Of course, this is a blog. If you wanted the highlights of the world for the year, you should have visited the news portals.

Yeap, this is looking out to be another rant.

What happened this year? Well, in a nutshell, I tried to be a better brother, had my heart damaged and stitched up, thrashed A-Levels, had doubts, made great friends,  had awesome experiences with them, learnt the bulk of my cooking skills from beloved Mom, fought for a scholarship (much appreciated!), went to uni, lived alone for a quarter year, explored my faith, got almost drunk for the first time, and won most of my shouting competition with my inner demon. And those are only the big events.

Whoa. THAT much has happened?

Time flies.

Speeding through the regions, you can call me Red.

But one thing is for certain. I am not the same person I was 365 days ago. I've learnt, and I've grown. (Hopefully.) But not enough. The fact that I am here blogging on New Year's Eve instead of watching fireworks and boozing shows that my social skills still have room for improvement.

Admittedly, I have acted quite stupidly through some parts of the year, and if I had offended anyone, I am truly sorry. But that's what growing up is all about, eh?

It's been ups and downs, but mostly ups. It doesn't take much to make me happy, or at least, stop be from feeling down. A little is needed.

I know, that the journey will only get harder from here. But if you're a gamer or similar, you will know that that's where the fun starts. :D The joy of achieving something you always wanted for a while is indescribable.

Which brings me to resolutions. They say New Year Resolutions are pretty much doomed, so I thought, let's not make New Year Resolutions! Lets make them every other day. Set goals for yourself everyday, so you will continually....

LEVEL UP!!!

But seriously. I'll make this short, cause quite bluntly, exams.

Bring it on, exams!

Bring It On, 2014!

BRING IT ON, LIFE!!!

FOR BACON PANCAKES!!!!!

Cya next year! <3

Behind A Longing For Sun

Seven

Excitement surged as she turned the page.

"A New Beginning," read the chapter's title.

Suddenly she froze and tightened her grip.

She wanted to turn back the page

to her pampered life; her comfort zone

but gone was the piece of paper.

She was just grasping at thin air.

Her father's words rang in her ears.

"You are on your own now, Claudia."

The seven opening words of the chapter.

It was daunting, treading a new path.

Strong winds blew as she stepped forward.

It wasn’t going to be smooth sailing.

Saying a prayer, she embraced the future.

Claudia lifted her head and looked around -

unfamiliar faces and cultures, rich and diverse.

It was surreal being where she was;

university, an institution of the highest level.

She'd envisioned this in her younger days.

She pinched herself – it wasn’t a dream.

Wasn't it just yesterday that school began?

Worry lingered at the beginning of term.

Would she adapt, would she fit in?

She was responsible for grown-up things.

Finances, shopping – she wished she were wiser.

Mistakes were made and lessons were learnt;

about time to change her ignorant ways.

Independence was now hers, like never before.

Occasional phone calls came from miles away.

"I'm fine," she'd say, "don't worry now."

Fond recollections of home flitted her way.

Love and warmth - she missed it all.

Sometimes she awoke with a transient heartache.

Her dog was old, time ticked away.

She longed to stroke its fur again.

Claudia had much to discover about herself.

She realised just how little she knew.

The enchanting city opened many concealed doors.

An adventurous soul came to the surface.

Perspectives were changed and new hobbies emerged.

Here began her quest for self-discovery.

She looked forward to the journey ahead.

Winter poked its head around the corner.

Sunlight shone through the clouds of uncertainty.

Her strength grew with each passing day.

She loved the feeling of starting afresh;

this thrilling new chapter of her life.

It will change her, this she knew.

Seven more months and she'll be home.

* * *

So this is a poem written by my friend for her creative writing course, whom I shall not name due to Malaysian reasons.

It may not be the best of writing styles, but I like it. Because it shows reflects the feelings of most international students studying here in London. 

To discover ourselves; to improve ourselves; and to make the most out of our youth, so that we can look back without regrets. But at the same time, we must not forget our roots, for it is our home that makes us who we are. We must strive to balance the past and the present, to make the best for our future.

Sure you might say: "Anyone can write a poem with feelings." You might be even tempted to do so now. It is easy, no doubt.

But notice that this poem is a form of restrictive writing, with each stanza having 7 lines and each line having 7 words. I agree, it is still easy to write something like that, but the magic happens when you truly put effort into what we do: spending hours thinking of the perfect word or the perfect metaphor; ensuring that the mood of the poem shifts with each stanza etc. Only when there is a limit to our actions can our creativity truly shine through. We make the best of what we have to create a masterpiece.

And is that not the reason why we choose to study away from home? To step out of the care of our families and into the harsh world, so that we will merely get a taste of what being independent is truly about. But we survive, for we adapt to our new environment and make the most of our time here, and go home a new person.

Same but different, hopefully.

I should not steal the spotlight. Cya for now. 

PS Sorry for my previous post. Them moods. D: On a lighter note, here's another piece of literature:

Merry Xmas!!!

Behind People's Shadows

I had always liked to be around people. Talking to them, knowing them, or just having fun.

But the thing is I always do not know what to say to them.

Invariably the conversation will switch to a topic I have no idea about.

Like DoTA. Or football. Or engineering course. Or gossip about some friend.

What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

Often you can see me in groups deep in conversation, but most of the time, I am quiet, like a shadow without a mouth.

I like to think that I am a wallflower: a quiet friend who understand. And then I realised: I'm not happy being a wallflower. I want to be in the action, be a part instead of apart.

There is no worse loneliness than being alone in a crowd.

Deep shiz.

I mean, I do talk to people. I do. I just don't feel as if I belong sometimes.

The people I can connect to are those who are random, like how I hope to be. Life needs order, but that order should rise from chaos. Because it looks damn cool in a history book.

And then I heard this sentence in church the other day.

(In case you're wondering, I'm not Christian. I think.)

COMMUNITY DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN CONFORMITY. GOD (whoever He may be)

MADE US ALL TO BE UNIQUE, SO WHY SHOULD WE MAKE OURSELVES UNIFORM?

Deep shiz No. 2.

Aye. Maybe I've been trying too hard to be a part of the group that I'm changing myself, and failing at that too. 

I'm me, and that's what they should know.

I heard this sentence a long time ago, and it hit me real hard:

IF YOU STAND FOR NOTHING, 

YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING

Deep shiz No 3.

And maybe that's the problem. I don't believe, hence I am not, and I change.

The only thing predictable is that I am random.

What the hell.

Okay, I'm not gonna share this like the other posts. I sound quite attention needing here.

I MEAN LOOK AT THE NUMBER OF "I"S IN HERE!

But if you do see it, I'm sorry. I just need to shout.

Cya in counseling.

Behind A Fallen Star, And A Fallen Pillar

Remember a time when our standards were lower. When all we needed for entertainment were fast cars, furious gunners and frikking explosions. We may think we have left that time, but there is always something about the fast, the furious and the expletives that always bring us back for more.

Imagine, now, that an idol in this field; a simple actor, has perished in the exact way he lived on screen. Is this irony? Or is there a guy upstairs with a weird sense of humour, and finds this the proper ending, or distraction from world problems, like how much people hate their government, no matter who it may be.

Pictures of his passing fill the Internet, followed by pictures of people ridiculing people who mourn his passing. In a way, they are all and both wrong and right. He was just a lucky man who had met with an unfortunate death. But how much respect does he deserve?


Meanwhile, halfway across the globe...


Recall a time when the skin colour determines the social class. When all we needed to know was who worked for whom and where each persons' places are. We may think we have left that time, but there is always someone who is either selfish, backward, or just plain stupid enough who might wanna bring that time back.

I wanted, before, to be an impact; a simple person, to perish for how others wished to live. Is this selflessness? Or is there a guy upstairs with a weird faith in humanity, and makes it a divine guidance, or a hope for the world's people, to know that every person is equal, no matter who they may be.

People across the world fill the social media with their condolences, followed by the people in South Africa remembering how much their lives were changed by him. In a way, they are all affected by his action. He was just an unlucky man who had met with an extremely fortunate fate. But how much respect does he deserve?

Requiescat in pace,

 Paul Walker.

Requiescat in pace, 
Nelson Mandela.

Cya world.

Behind The Meaning of Crushes

Love in Greek mythology is EROS.

Which when rearranged gives us ROSE.
So love means expensive flowers?

Which when rearranged gives us ORES.
So love means expensive rocks?

Which when rearranged gives us ROES.
So love means expensive food?

Which when rearranged gives us SORE.
So love means cheap pain?

What is love?

Cya with the answer.